Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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