I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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