The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
