i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
