So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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