She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
