Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
