Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
