i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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