so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
