Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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