he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
