the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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