after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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