I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
