I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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