I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
