dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
