Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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