Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They are going to name an STD after you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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