Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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