I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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