I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
