About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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