I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
