sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize