oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
