Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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