did you get engaged???
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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