You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
