She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
