Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
