They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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