Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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