fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
