I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
