a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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