Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
