whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
