i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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