she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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