i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
