He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I need to stop coming to work sober
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
