He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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