I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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