i was rollin on her like bob the builder
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
