At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
