Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
