Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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