Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
