you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
