I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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