its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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