I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
