I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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