i think my mom watched the whole time
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
