My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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