my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
