I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
