Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
