Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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