I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
