He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
