Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i believe in u and ur pee
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
