Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
