I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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