Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
