I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
