why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
