Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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