I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
