What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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