I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
