you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
