Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
