hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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