Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
