You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
