At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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