Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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