I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
