I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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